To Jasper
Jasper's Project
For a project that doesn't really prove anything, you did a good job writing about it. You wrote a decent amount, and in that amount you started to make some insights. What you didn't do was expand on the insights you started to make. You could have talked more about the serious feelings that you felt and the dress code that you noticed.
What your blog did do: It was entertaining. It was like Seinfeld, about nothing, but at the same time the way you wrote made it more interesting then most other projects with heavier content. It was definitely more interesting then my project.
What you should have done is reflected on the experience. You could have wrote about what you learned through your failure. There was a couple of things you could have talked about learning but you failed to do so.
To Lucas
Lucas' Project
Funny. Entertaining. Well-written.
Just some words that describe this post. While it isn't 5 pages of writing or some breakthrough in the care of the dead industry, it was a good summary of the failed project attempt, and it showed what you learned. I feel like this post and your elevator speech add up to make a project worth reading about.
You and Jasper had similar projects, if you haven't read his already. I think yours had more reflection and professional language, which really balanced out how interesting your writing was with the content.
I do feel like you could have wrote about what you expected to learn. And what you didn't learn that you expected to. Reflection on what could have been done differently would have been nice too. But overall this was a good post. It turned an unsuccessful experience into a project.
To Beatrice
Beatrice's Project
I think that this post is thorough and insightful. It is also very fitting for you. No suggestions, it seems pretty perfect.
To Martyna
Martyna's Project
I thought your project is maybe the most interesting in the grade.
You took something that we haven't even discussed in class. I think that the steps you made are understandable and logical.
What this project is lacking is analysis. You could have analyzed each step and given examples for everything.
The illustration that you included also adds to the project because it interests the reader. I know it interested me.
I'd say overall this is a very interesting, well written project. It included concise explanations and was easy to read. Good work.
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From Martyna:
You summarized the process of embalming and presented an overview of the industry around it. Your work is very clear and to the point in a way which keeps the reader interested.
Its great that you actually decided to write a paper (against your own will) after your original plan didn't work out. I think you did a good job with your research, bearing in mind this was a last minute idea.
What shocked me most was that some people consider embalming an art. In my opinion, thats taking it all a bit too far. But still, people can have many different views...
From Chris:
YEAHH!!! EMBALMING. I think embalming was hyped up by Andy to be very gruesome and some sort of of miserable thing. Although it seems very violent how can you say this when the person is dead. Also it isn't always like the person doesn't know their dead body is going to be involved. It is not grave robbing and stripping the body for organs. Anyway back to this, I think you decided to right a very factual paper that gives clear alternatives and doesn't just complain about a problem. Its a paper but maybe in person you can tell me why you decided to write about this. I think this was actually pretty interesting and the best part in my opinion was the alternatives.
From Leon. Dad, Mentor:
This project was less insightful then the last, but better written. It did do a good job of explaining the topic of embalming, and provided clear alternatives. I do think that you could have explained more about the effects of formaldehyde rather then just say it is toxic. You could have also gone into why the process is bad outside of the environmental effects. You started to discuss about the funeral homes being greedy. It would have made the project a little more insightful if you built upon that and made it a second focus. Overall this is a solid project and it is well written.
From Jose. Friend, Protege:
I liked reading about this because I know almost everybody in my family has been embalmed. It's just something that you don't think twice about, and this is trying to get people to see they should think twice. Everything was short and concise, so you don't get lost. I agree that your best section was the Alternatives, as chris said above. I think this was a strong project and very interesting.
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