Homework 36- blog comments

From my team:
From Sam:
I really like your observation of not really understanding what these stories mean especially because you have nothing to compare them to because the t.v. does lie to us. I feel like this blind intelligence is really something that you can build off of to help further your independent research because what do these stories mean? Was what the first women really went through significant in terms of birth stories (it seems so to me). I feel like maybe going in depth a little more on the other stories would have given it something to compare it to. But i can understand your interest in the first one because it caught my attention as well. Good writing Kevin.
From my mentor (dad):
The sharpest insight that I saw in this post was when you were trying to relate these stories back to the course, or anything. You said that you don't have anything to relate it back to because the little extent of your knowledge is very questionable. You also had a thought provoking idea when you talked about the fetus being a parasite. I never heard anybody Call a fetus that before but the way you presented it made sense.
One thing that you should work on in future posts is your wording and flow. If you can get your posts to flow better, they will be better.
From my protogé (little brother):
I think the best part of this blog was the first story you talked about. You went into a lot of detail in that one, and that made it interesting. You also used some good words to describe how she felt "her life changed completely". Other then that your tv thing was good too.
This post made me want to hear my own birth story. It made me realize that every pregnancy story is not the same. Every one is different and there are a lot of things that affect birth.
This blog post was very strong Kevin, you obviously put alot of time and effort into. Specifically your thoughts on the males position in the birthing processnshowed alot, you stated that he didn't have many good insights and I think your ability to sort the good insights from the not so good shows a deeper level of analysis. My favorite thought is when you stated that "I can compare them to what I see on television, but I don’t believe that birth is depicted well on television, that it is mocked." I felt this line was the strongest because I could relate to it the most. I have never seen a real birth but I have seen it on t.v. And after hearing the birth stories that I retrieved and everyone roses it does seem like they are almost mocking it on t.v. As you said.
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My comments:
To Sam:
This post was really cool. I love the first person narrative. I also like that the point of views that were represented were all from the childrens perspectives, the second hand storytelling was interesting. I found the second story to be the most interesting, and I think it inspired one of your bolder questions: "Are they afraid of what will happen after words or are they willing to accept that for what they will be creating?" When you explain the person talked about if the family that gave thier child away knew they could provide for him or her. Like Andy would say, it's developing one of those "bubbles".
Overall I really enjoyed reading your post, partly because it didn't go on and on, partly because it had a great style to it, and partly because of the interesting information it provided. Keep it up.
-Kevin
To sharif:
This is definitely one of your better written posts. Little grammatical error, sharp insights. To be honest I was surprised. When you were talking about your mothers interview you had me laughing, which means I wanted to read more because I found it interesting. Your post was fairly long but it had good structure to it so it didn't seem as long. It wasn't that repetitive either, as every story had a different focus. What I would suggest is making transitions between the stories, and connect them to each other. Like in the interview with your mom, you discussed a "connection" with you (as a fetus/newlyborn child) and then you again made a similar reference in the story with your family member. Because of this, you could have related them, made a deeper connection between them.
Maybe this is a topic you could study further.
Good writing man. Exceeded my expectations!
-Kevin (comment back!)